If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
