Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
