I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i've created a new STD.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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