My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
