just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
