And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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