Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
