Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
