All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
