I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
