Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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