when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
