This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
