We named our party play list daddy issues
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
