Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
