speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
