i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
