I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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