yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We have started to decorate penises.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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