Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
