I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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