I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
