Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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