yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
