oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
