I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
