JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
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Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
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The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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