If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
try to milk me bitch
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
