So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
