It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
