No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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