I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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