when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
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