Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.

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(727): View more from Florida

I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)

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(201): View more from New Jersey

so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?

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(716): View more from New York

how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?

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(708): View more from Illinois

Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?

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(925): View more from California

I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??

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(843): View more from South Carolina

She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"

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(916): View more from California

Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.

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