During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
