you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
