If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
