You're completely useless in the revolution.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
