i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
