Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
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I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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