The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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