the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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