Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
