do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
