there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
