Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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