Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
