Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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