If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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