these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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