friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need a beard to bite.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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