why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Your dad touched me again.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
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You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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