I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
