so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
