Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
