just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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