dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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