My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
