I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
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Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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