I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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