Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
