thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle