I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
