i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
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Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.