I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.