I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.