we have pet lesbian snakes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize