Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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