His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
