ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
