is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
