go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
