Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
