my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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