shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
