Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
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apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
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I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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