Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
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i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
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My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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