so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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