Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
