i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i drank out of a bidet.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
