i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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