Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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