and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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