At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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