I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
