I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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