I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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