I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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