We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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