I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
