this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
