How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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