Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
