You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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