She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
