Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
